We can make this work. We can work out a dating wheel, just like a chore wheel. Let’s put the try in triangle. Argh!… Wait, I like the library. I texted back a smiley face. She texted back some letters I don’t understand. Yeah it’s an acquired taste. That I just acquired. YOU GORGEOUS IDIOT!…
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Dear Diary: Tonight I’m sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses. My crotch is itchy. There’s someone behind the milk. Maybe it’s the dairy fairy. Ugg, my heart just pooped its pants. Not if you’re a fish. The hand wants what the…
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I can’t tell where your back ends and your butt begins. Everyone touched each other’s butts, and it was great. I guess she doesn’t like wearing clothes. Just when I think I’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in. My boob? Sausage leather belts. This is where I thrash. Butts. Let’s raise our glasses!…
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If I drunk text you and you’re asleep, don’t text me in the morning…that ship has sailed. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You had me at horses, but then you lost me at corpses. I’m out of control. Buns…sen. Buns…sen. I had no idea there was so much butt touching in baseball. Thank you zombie boyfriends. I’m out of…
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I’ll wave at you every day. He did? That’s the sleaziest, sneakiest, most romantic thing anyone’s ever done to me. You’re right. I’m a firestarter and a jinx. I’m going to destroy this whole family. This is where I thrash. Buns…sen. I’m gonna write the most erotic, graphic, freakiest friend fiction ever. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Chad the…
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How do you know a python ate it? Did it leave a note? I had no idea there was so much butt touching in baseball. My crotch is itchy. You won’t regret it, dad. When I kiss Jimmy Jr. under the disco ball, it’ll be like we’re all kissing Jimmy Jr under the disco ball.…
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Thank you zombie boyfriends. So I think I’m being attacked by zombies and I start screaming, ‘Do you wanna make out?’ And I make out with it. Gene, you saved us. I owe you my life. Everyone touched each other’s butts, and it was great. This is such a snore-gasm. Do you think horses get…
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Dad, you’re the best pimp a girl could ever have. He did? That’s the sleaziest, sneakiest, most romantic thing anyone’s ever done to me. I had no idea there was so much butt touching in baseball. I’m not spooked. What’s the next thing after spooked? I’m that. Do you think horses get songs stuck in…
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